Author Topic: Daniel Johnson - Approved [R]  (Read 693 times)

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Daniel Johnson - Approved [R]
« on: 19 Dec 2011, 10:00 am »
First and Last Name: Daniel Johnson

Bloodline: Half-blood
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Dark brown
General Build: Average
Height: Average

Birthplace: London
Brief Childhood History: Daniel was raised by his wizard father, who already taught him some things about magic, and his muggle mother, who is a fan o muggle music and was always listening to music with him. He had a happy childhood, but he never had one single friend, because he was always studying and classmates in muggle school thought he was weird and he was known as the class nerd.
His father, Harold Johnson, is an auror, always busy with work, but always wanted to be a Quidditch player, so he wants Daniel to become a Quidditch player, but Daniel wants to be a professor of Charms. His mother, Karen Johnson, is a muggle lawyer. She does her best to give a lot of attention to Daniel, listening to music with him always that it's possible.
Daniel hasn't ever had any friend, because people always thought he was weird at school, and he kept most of his time in his bedroom, reading muggle and wizarding books until he got tired, which used to take too long.
Daniel doesn't have any brother, but his cousins often went to his house. They were supposed to play with him, but in the end Daniel would get magically locked in his room with the cousins outside, as he couldn't still controll his magic.

Strengths (Including Personality and Academic): Daniel is very intelligent and wise. He knows about things advanced for his age, and he is always wanting to learn more and more. Sings and dances greatly, but he still doesn't know about it (skills he currently has and doesn't acknowledge). He plays clean, doesn't cheat just to win, but it's probable that he will win if it depends on his intelligence. He is very good at Charms and Potions.
Weaknesses (Including Personality and Academic): Daniel has fragile feelings. He is a a little stuck up because of his intelligence. He also falls in love easily, but doesn't like his own looks. He is impatient and not very brave either. Has some difficulty with Herbology (because he is too clumsy to handle with plants) and History of Magic (he does his best to pay attention to Professor Binns, but he usually falls asleep).
What House You Feel Your Character Belongs In and Why: Ravenclaw, because of his intelligence and wit. He isn't brave, wouldn't make anything to win and doesn't have many friends, so I think that the only house that he fits is Ravenclaw.
« Last Edit: 02 Jan 2012, 02:49 pm by Jayce »

Offline Jayce

Re: Daniel Johnson
« Reply #1 on: 23 Dec 2011, 10:50 pm »
Hi there! Welcome to HPRPG

Before we can sort you, there are just a few things to attend to.

We require at least 2-3 solid paragraphs for the history section. So please add more to what you already have.

I'm also confused as to what you mean by that "he still doesn't know about it" in relation to his singing and dancing skills. Do you mean those are skills he will develop in the future or skills he currently has and doesn't acknowledge? You will also need to provide one or two classes that Daniel will do well in for this section. Please also reformat this section so that everything is in complete sentences. Right now they're all just fragments that seem very list-like. This also goes for the weakness section as well. You'll also need to provide one or two classes that Daniel will struggle with for this section.

Once you've done that, just change your title from 'pending' to 'edited'.

Colby Lovell | Madoc Kruszewski

Offline Ninjela

Re: Daniel Johnson - Edited
« Reply #2 on: 29 Dec 2011, 02:13 pm »
Heya!

Thank you for making those changes. It's no problem that it took you so long to make the changes. Thank you for letting us know that English isn't your first language. We have quite a few members who are learning English, and we'd love to help you out.

Your strengths and weaknesses are still written out as lists, instead of complete sentences. For example, you wrote:

Quote
Very intelligent and wise, knows about things advanced for his age, always wanting to learn more and more.

In complete sentences, it might look like this:

Quote
Daniel is very intelligent and wise. He knows about things advanced for his age, and he is always wanting to learn more and more.

I hope that makes sense? Please edit those sections and again change the title of this thread to 'edited.' Then we can sort you!

Nikki made the pretty!

Offline Jayce

Re: Daniel Johnson - Edited
« Reply #3 on: 02 Jan 2012, 02:21 pm »
So things are looking really good so far! There is just one little thing though. Just like how you fixed the strengths section so that the lists were written out as sentences, we'll need you to do the same for the weaknesses section. So right now you have:

Quote
Daniel has fragile feelings, is a little stuck up because of his intelligence, falls in love easily, doesn't like his look, is impatient, not very brave.

and it should look more like:

Quote
Daniel has fragile feelings. He is a a little stuck up because of his intelligence. He also falls in love easily, but doesn't like his own looks. He is impatient and not very brave either.

Just go ahead and swap the title once more when you're finished.

Colby Lovell | Madoc Kruszewski

Offline Jayce

Re: Daniel Johnson - Edited
« Reply #4 on: 02 Jan 2012, 02:48 pm »
:approvedr:

Colby Lovell | Madoc Kruszewski