Author Topic: Skylar Ann Brigs - Denied  (Read 732 times)

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Skylar Ann Brigs

Skylar Ann Brigs - Denied
« on: 11 Oct 2011, 04:00 pm »
Quote from: Skylar Ann Brigs on 11 Oct 2011, 04:00 PM

First and Last Name: Skylar Ann Brigs

Bloodline: Pure-Blooded

Hair Color: Long Black Straight Hair

Eye Color:Dark Green

General Build: Petite

Height: Average

Birthplace: London, England


Brief Childhood History:
Her Mother & Father fought very much, They split up when Skylar was 3.
 Her Mother died later of Murder.
 She was taken to her Father's Home.
 She had no brothers, Nor Sisters.
She was home schooled, by her father.
She had a pet Snake, named "Rain". She was VERY Close to Rain. It was the last thing her mother gave her.
She was given Rain when she was 5, because she was getting smarter.
She mostly was a loner, she didn't have much friends since she was home schooled.
She mostly read about famous wizards, & dark wizards.

Once she got her Hogwarts letter, Rain died.
 She never knew why, And how.
Her & Her Father went shopping.
She was very interested into the shops, & signs.

Strengths: Potions because her mother did many potions & kept potion books, & Defense Against The Dark Arts because her father mostly helped her learn more about Defense Against The Dark Arts & showed her.

 She is also Amazing at Quidditch & She loves Quidditch because she is AMAZING at it,  Fighting, & Comebacks because she learned from watching her father & mother fight.

Weaknesses :Herbology because she is HORRIBLE with plants & inpatient, & History Of Magic she's bad at because she doesn't like looking at history.

She also has a BIG Temper because it came from her father's temper.

What House You Feel Your Character Belongs In and Why: Slytherin, because she has a temper, she loves snakes, her favorite color is dark green just like her eyes, she is strong, she wants power, she wants her name to be known & feared.
« Last Edit: 02 Nov 2011, 01:13 pm by Jayce »

Offline Tany

Re: Skylar Ann Brigs
« Reply #1 on: 11 Oct 2011, 09:08 pm »
Heya Skylar and welcome to HPRPG~!

However, before we can sort you, there are a few things that need editing. First, you capitalize a lot of things that don't require it. ^^ You don't have to capitalize the first word after commas, because it's not the beginning of the sentence, nor do you have to capitalize words that aren't proper nouns, names, or titles. (For example: Her mother and father fought very much and they split up with Skylar was three.) Maybe run it through Word or spell-check to catch them if reading over it doesn't? <3

As for her history, we don't really get too much of Skylar's childhood, and what we do get is just mentioned and then dismissed. We're not exactly looking for information on her family (or lack of, since you specified that she has no siblings), we're just looking for the important details and how she grew up. Was she homeschooled, did she attend school prior to Hogwarts, what did she do for fun, maybe a bit more on her relationship with Rain. Her father and her going shopping, as well as the note that she loves Quidditch, feel a bit thrown in (and her love of Quidditch can go into strengths).

We ask that you don't like the traits that make up her strengths and weaknesses. Could you give us some 'why', add some meat to the skeleton list? Why is she good at Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts, why is she amazing at fighting and comebacks? Why is she bad at Herbology, etc? Additionally, you need at least three personality weaknesses.

And lastly, unfortunately, having a temper, being a pureblood, fighting, and the classes she's good at don't necessarily qualify her for Slytherin. In fact, they're not really anything that would qualify her for any house. What are the specific traits of Slytherin house that Skylar has? Slytherin's house-specific traits are: cunning, ambition, and power, but they are also resourceful, traditionalists, and somewhat vain.

Once you've made the above adjustments just change the title from 'pending' to 'edited' and we'll continue with your sorting from there.

Skylar Ann Brigs

Re: Skylar Ann Brigs - Pending
« Reply #2 on: 12 Oct 2011, 12:51 pm »
Okay Thanks!

Skylar Ann Brigs

Re: Skylar Ann Brigs - Pending
« Reply #3 on: 12 Oct 2011, 02:16 pm »

First and Last Name: Skylar Ann Brigs

Bloodline: Pure-Blooded

Hair Color: Long Black Straight Hair

Eye Color:Dark Green

General Build: Petite

Height: Average

Birthplace: London, England


Brief Childhood History:
Her Mother & Father fought very much, They split up when Skylar was 3.
 Her Mother died later of Murder.
 She was taken to her Father's Home.
 She had no brothers, Nor Sisters.
She was home schooled, by her father.
She had a pet Snake, named "Rain". She was VERY Close to Rain. It was the last thing her mother gave her.
She was given Rain when she was 5, because she was getting smarter.
She mostly was a loner, she didn't have much friends since she was home schooled.
She mostly read about famous wizards, & dark wizards.

Once she got her Hogwarts letter, Rain died.
 She never knew why, And how.
Her & Her Father went shopping.
She was very interested into the shops, & signs.

Strengths: Potions because her mother did many potions & kept potion books, & Defense Against The Dark Arts because her father mostly helped her learn more about Defense Against The Dark Arts & showed her.

 She is also Amazing at Quidditch & She loves Quidditch because she is AMAZING at it,  Fighting, & Comebacks because she learned from watching her father & mother fight.

Weaknesses :Herbology because she is HORRIBLE with plants & inpatient, & History Of Magic she's bad at because she doesn't like looking at history.

She also has a BIG Temper because it came from her father's temper.

What House You Feel Your Character Belongs In and Why: Slytherin, because she has a temper, she loves snakes, her favorite color is dark green just like her eyes, she is strong, she wants power, she wants her name to be known & feared.


Offline Tany

Re: Skylar Ann Brigs
« Reply #4 on: 16 Oct 2011, 08:44 pm »
Heya again, hun~ ^^

I'm not quite sure what happened, but I don't really see too much change from before other than you sort of turned her history into a list. ^^; We need that in paragraph form. Other than that, the things I asked in the original post of mine still seem to be missing except for the ending bit about which house, which looks all right now. So if you could go back and make sure you've made all the edits before changing the title, that'd be great!

Same drill with the title as before, too. ;3

Skylar Ann Brigs

Re: Skylar Ann Brigs - Pending
« Reply #5 on: 17 Oct 2011, 03:19 pm »
 :headexplode:

I really thought I fixed it, well anyway i'm not gonna use this site then..Bye! -.0

Offline Jayce

Re: Skylar Ann Brigs - Pending
« Reply #6 on: 02 Nov 2011, 01:12 pm »
As it's been over two weeks since we've last asked you to make changes, I'm going to deny this character sheet for now. Please feel free to post your sheet again at a later date with the requested changes! ;)

Colby Lovell | Madoc Kruszewski