Topic: Lyria Chase - Denied

[Lyria Chase]

First and Last Name: Lyria Chase
Bloodline: Half-Blood
Hair Color:Light Brown
Eye Color:Blue
General Build:Average
Height:Tall
Birthplace:Dublin, Ireland
Brief Childhood History:Lyria was born to Benjamin and Sarah Chase on August 19, 2000. Benjamin Chase was a Curse Breaker in the Ministry of Magic. Sarah Chase was a Potioneer. Benjamin and Sarah both went to Hogwarts when they were 11. They were both Sorted into Hufflepuff. Sarah was a Muggle-Born, and Benjamin was a Pureblood. When Lyria was growing up, Ben always told Lyria enchanting stories about the wonders of Hogwarts. Lyria showed signs of magic at the young age of three. One day, they were at the park, and Lyria accidentally exploded the water fountain. The park was then closed, saying the incident "was a freak accident". Later, Benjamin had to pay for the loss of the fountain.

Another time was when Lyria was seven. Her mother took her to get some ice cream after Lyria went to the dentist, and Lyria was so excited that her ice cream fell out of it's cone; and she was holding it upright. Then, when she was eleven, Lyria got her letter to Hogwarts.
Strengths (Including Personality and Academic): Lyria catches on to new things really quickly and she is great at Herbology and Potions, thanks to her mother. When she sets her eye on doing something, she is very determined to do it. Also, she is very smart. Whenever she went to a Muggle school, she always got straight A's.
Weaknesses (Including Personality and Academic): Lyria is very self-centered and her shyness sometimes gets the best of her. She also is very prideful of herself. Another weakness of her self is that she is very protective. For example, if someone teased her friends, she would defend her friend.
What House You Feel Your Character Belongs In and Why: Ravenclaw, because Lyria is very book-smart.

[Sue]

Hi and welcome to hprpg.

You're off to a really good start, we'd just like to see a bit more detail in the childhood history, strengths, and weaknesses section.  If you could just give more detail about her childhood and family other than just instances of accidental magic, you should be all set there, and also about a paragraph of detail each for the strength and weaknesses section. Also, I'm not sure what you meant by 'charm-breaker.' Did you mean 'curse breaker?' And since you says he's half blood, which side of the family is non-magical?


And also, since characters grow and age at different rates, and because hprpg isn't set in any exact year, please remove the year of birth from Lyria's history. Month and day is enough.


When you've made your changes, switch your subject line from 'pending' to 'edited.'

[Lyria Chase]

OK, I'll make the changes.

[Jayce]

Hi there!

So even though you've edited your title, it doesn't seem like anything was actually edited in the sheet.

You still need to remove the specific year of Lyria's birth and tell us more about her childhood, other than moments of accidental magic. Speaking of, I'm confused as to why Lyria's father ended up having to pay for the loss of the fountain? If it's a muggle park, then it really would have just been brushed off as a "freak accident" and it should have never been connected back to Lyria and if it had been, I'm sure the Ministry would have swooped in and fixed everything.

We will also need you to provide us with a class that Lyria would struggle with in her weaknesses.

Once you've done that, just swap the title again.

[Lyria Chase]

OK, so get rid of the year, tell you guys more about her childhood, and provide a class which Lyria would struggle with, and then change the title back to Pending?

[Jayce]

Yes to all, except the title needs to be changed to 'edited', not pending.

[Lyria Chase]

Got it.

[Jayce]

As it's been over two weeks since we've last asked you to make changes, I'm going to deny this character sheet for now. Please feel free to post your sheet again at a later date with the requested changes!